i don't like sucking hair
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
