Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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