I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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