The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
