Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
