Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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