I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
