I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize