you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
