Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
