I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize