WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
