Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
