P.S. I can't hear my feet
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
