Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
