I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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