Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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