I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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