umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
