You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
