I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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