Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
