party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
