Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
