I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
