I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
