I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
