Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
