She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize