So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We left the knife in your bed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
