why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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