Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
