At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
