Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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