I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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