Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
