I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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