after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
