We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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