So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Brb crying the tears of my youth
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
