If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
