Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
