I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
