They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize