i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Two words: blizzard sex
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
