So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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