ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
