you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
