I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
