Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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