i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
