And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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