whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My dad is sitting where you rode me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
