There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
