By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
