I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
