We're facebook friends in real life
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
