i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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