Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize