i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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