the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
