Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
