Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
