i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
