im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize