All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
