Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
