Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize