3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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