That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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