marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize