i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I touched a dick in church today
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
