I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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