i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
