she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
