Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
