dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
