i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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