I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
