My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
