she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize