About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
