Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
