I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
