11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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