Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
