I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
