she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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