My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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