My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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