Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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