I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
