Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
