Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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