I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
