Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize