i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
