I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
