My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
