I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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