at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
