No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
