All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
